Friday, January 30, 2009

Through the Thick and Thin: There, Until the End: Draft 1

We have been waiting for this day since the beginning of high school. Everything is planned out and our bags have been packed since the beginning of the week. We are all excited because it is our big trip before we part separate ways and leave for college. For the past days I could hear my plane ticket on my dresser calling my name, anxious to fly to St. Johns, just like me. My phone rang on my dresser and I rushed to pick it up.


“Hello!” I answered and I knew exactly who was on the other line.

“Hey” said Bailey and Callie in-sink.

“Today’s the day!” I excitedly replied.

“Hurry up we only have 2 hours until our flight!” yelled Callie

“Alright, alright. I’m going. I’ll call you back when I am leaving my house,” I sighed.

“Bye!” they both screamed into the phone again.

“Bye,” I laughed and hung up my phone. Everything was already packed except my toiletries. So, I put the rest of my necessities in the suitcase. Finally when I am done packing and have triple checked everything on my list, I pick up my phone and call Bailey back to tell her and Callie I am about to leave. After hanging up with them, I lug my suitcases down the stairs, along with my carry-on. I give one last hug and kiss to my family and head out the door, into the hot sticky summer morning. The air conditioning in my car is on high as usual, I pull out of the garage, down the driveway, and turn right, heading to Bailey’s house.


* * * * *


We boarded the plane, the three of us in one row. Bailey could barely stay in her seat because it was her first time on a plane and we were about to take off on the trip that would change our lives forever. The flight attendant announced for everyone to buckle up because we would be taking off in 5 minutes. Click, click, click was all we heard as everyone buckled their seat belts. Once again, the flight attendant appeared in the front of the plane and showed us how to correctly use the air bags above our heads and the emergency exits located through out the plane. I had been on a plane before and heard this speech more than enough times, but for some reason I paid closer attention this time than the previous flights.

“Thank you and have an enjoyable flight.” said the flight attendant.

“We will be reaching Florida in approximately 3 hours and the weather is looking great. Enjoy the flight” announced the pilot over the intercom. Ding, the seat belt sign flashed on and we rolled down the runway. Slowly, we picked up speed, just as we were nearing the end of the runway, the airplane’s wheels lifted off the ground and we were pushed back into our seats as the plane went higher into the sky. We went through the clouds and every so often I would have to pop my ears from the increasing air pressure. Finally we reached the designated height, just above the clouds. Bailey looked out the window and all she said was “OH MY GOD! The clouds look just like giant cotton balls!!”

“Wow they do,” agreed Callie. “This is the prettiest sky I have ever seen. The clouds look so comfortable I just want to sleep on them.”

“Good luck with that,” I laughed. The two of them stared out the window for the majority of the plane ride to Florida, while I listened to my iPOD. For the most part, the plane ride was smooth and we landed successfully in the Florida airport. After gathering all of our luggage, we headed for our connecting flight to St. John’s. When we saw the plane we were taking, our mouths dropped to the floor. It was extremely small and only carried 10 passengers.


Cautiously and nervously, we step onto the plane. My hands are shaking so much, but I try not to let it show because I want to show Callie and Bailey that everything is going to be fine. Inside the plane there is only 5 rows of 2 seats. To prevent arguing who will sit where, I voluntarily sit by myself behind them. It is not long before we take off. I close my eyes as we ascend higher into the sky. This flight is going to be about 2 hours, which isn’t that long. I have to keep reminding myself that because my gut feeling is telling me something is up. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announces that there is a storm approaching, but it is nothing to worry about. It’s not even 10 minutes after the pilot said we were hating a storm, that our plane began to shake. At first it wasn’t bad, just a few small ones here and there, but soon it became much worse. As I looked up from the floor, I could see everyone’s heads jerking back and forth about their seats. Bailey and Callie had their heads between their legs, trying to stabilize themselves. I realized I should probably do the same thing. Suddenly a lighting bolt hit one of the planes wings and the pilot yelled back to us, “Get the life jackets on from under your seats! Get the air bags from over your head! NOW!” I rushed making sure I did everything he said to do at the beginning of the flight if we ever needed to use them. My hands shaking now more than ever I buckled on the safety seat belts on the chair. I could feel the plane descending faster and faster. All I saw out of the window was the black smoke from where the wing used to be. Over the screams of the passengers I heard the pilot yell “BARE YOURSELFS!” Crash! The plane hit something hard, head-on and I smashed my head forward hitting the seat in front of me. Suddenly, everything went black and it became extremely quiet.


“Madeline, Madeline can you hear me?” someone whispered. I tried to open my eyes but I was so weak.

“I think she’s awake,” said another girl with dark hair. She sounds so far away. I don’t know where I am. Why am I laying on dirt? I slowly opened my eyes and there standing over me were people I had never seen before. Why is everyone stairing at me?

“Madeline, how are you feeling?”

“What happened?” I tried to ask, but all that came out was mumbles of jumbled words. Apparently the girl with dark hair understood what I said and she explained how the plane was struck by lightening and we crashed into this deserted island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. On our descend down, I hit my head on the seat in front of me and passed out cold. Luckily the pilot pulled me out of the plane and I have been out for a half an hour. There is no radio signal so far, she explained, but the pilot is trying to find one.

“Wait,” I mumbled. “Who are you and why were we in a plane?”

“We are your best friends Madeline,” explained the girl with long blonde hair who gestured to the girl with dark hair.

“What are your names?” I questioned.

The tall girl with blonde hair replied, “I’m Callie.”

“and I’m Bailey,” chimed in the short, dark haired girl. “Don’t you remember us, Madeline? We have been friends since we were 5.” The girl whose name was Callie began to tear up.

“Why doesn’t she remember?” she sobbed. A slender man with gray hair walked over to me.

“She is showing signs of amnesia. I am a doctor and I was on my way to St John’s for a patient in need of special medical help. As you can see, this girl here, needs my attention now and I’m going to need you girls to help me,” said the man. “Since we don’t know how long we are going to be stuck on this island, I am going to need you girls to tell me everything about Madeline in order to hopefully help her remember what has happened.”


Today is our second day on the island and I still don’t remember a thing, other than what the people here have told me. Everything is so confusing, it is so overwhelming. The doctor says I am slowly getting better by what I remember from what people have told me, but I don’t see any progress. The pilot is still working on getting a signal to the closest airport from his radio, but he hasn’t had any luck yet. We have little food and water, just what was on the plane and what fish and berries we can retrieve from the island. The ocean is a turquoise blue that is the clearest water. Its calm, cool water, extends all the way to the horizon on all sides of the island. As I walk into the ocean, the seashells jab the bottom of my feet and the smooth sand seeps its way between my toes. As I look up to the sky, I wonder if I will ever remember anything. I know those two girls who are apparently my friends will try to help, but I don’t know how much of a help they will be. The sun is going down and it’s getting chilly, so I wade out of the water and dress into my clothes. Suddenly, the pilot came running out of the tent we made screaming “I GOT IT! I GOT IT!” Everyone ran to him.

“I got a signal!” he announced. “The airport in Florida is going to send an airplane tomorrow for us all!”

“Thank goodness!” we all yelled together. Everyone ran to get together anything and everything that was left of theirs. I went to bed somewhat hopeful of going back so a somewhat normal life again.


Morning finally came and the airplane came around noon. However, it wasn’t a normal airplane it was a rescue one because the airplane wouldn’t be able to land on the island. The airplane roared overhead and a basket came down and hit the sand with a thud. Callie, Bailey and I climed in and slowly reached the airplane. Eventually everyone was lifted up to the airplane and we left the island for good.

“Madeline, you know we will help through this no matter how long it takes. We are your best friends and nothing is going to change that.”

“Thanks,” I smiled.

“Madeline, I know a doctor’s office that specializes in these types of situations. He could really help you to get better,” explained the doctor.

“Alright. Thank you,” I answered. The plane ride was only about an hour and we landed back in Florida where everyone on the plane said good-bye to me and wished me luck with my recovery. I now know that even people you have just met, will always help through difficult times. Also, true friends will be by your side no matter what happens.

6 comments:

Allie B said...

Author's Notes

1)I would like my reader to understand that my story is about 3 friends that will get through the thick and the thin together. Also, they will never give up on each other no matter what the situation. 2)Something that words well in this piece is the characters and their ages becase it is something most people can relate to in real life. The day of the three friends going onto the plane because I have done it so many times before.
3)Something that is not working as well is wriing too much detail. A problem I encountered was not knowing how much detail to add. Also, not knwoing what to write next when i got stuck in the middle of my story. The weak areas of my paper is the ending because it is very brief.
4) A quesiton I have about this piece is if I used too much or too little detail when describing the characters or the setting. The feedback that would be most helpful is what is missing from the ending or what I should add to make it a better and complete story. I would like my reader to comment on my introducion. I did not add the vocabulary into my story yet because I am adding it closer to the final draft.

lindsay said...

The conflict of this story is three best friends go on a trip to Florida, and when they get on their second plane it is very small. It ends up crashing and Madeline gets hurt. The story was resolved by Madeline getting better over time and her friends were always by her side.
The main characters become stronger as a whole group of friends. They were there for each other through the good and the bad. If the characters hadnt changed over the story, Madeline wouldn't have been able to get the support she needed to get better.
My favorite part of the story was the rising action becuase it was described well. “This is the prettiest sky I have ever seen. The clouds look so comfortable I just want to sleep on them.” i really liked this quote because it describes how the clouds are.
I think the best quality of the story was the amount of dialogue. The dialogue really helped get the point acroos that the story was trying to make. Also, the dialogue helped me understand what was happening and how the characters were feeling during certain times.
The storys theme is stick with your friends through thin and thick. The story starts off with three best friends, then something happens, and they are all still there for each other at the end of the story.
I dont think the author needs to revise anything.I thought all the detail and dialogue made your story really good!

Jenny said...

The conflict is when Madeline and her friends get into a plane crash and Madeline gets hurt. It was external and internal. It was resolved when Madeline and everyone get rescued and her friends promise that they will help her.
Madeline changes over time because at first she is the strong one in her group of friends but once she gets into the accident she can’t remember a thing but her friends are their for her. If there was a change in the main character the short story would be boring.
My favorite part of the story is when the plane is crashing. My favorite line is “Over the screams of the passengers I heard the pilot yell “BARE YOURSELFS!” Crash! The plane hit something hard, head-on and I smashed my head forward hitting the seat in front of me. Suddenly, everything went black and it became extremely quiet.” I like it because it leaves the reader wondering what will happen.
The tale’s best quality is resolution because through out the story you connect with Madeline and I was happy in the end that her friends were there for her.
The story’s theme is that true friendship will last forever. This is shown when Madeline gets amnesia and doesn’t remember her friends, but her friends don’t give up on her which show real loyalty and the best friends anyone could have.
One thing I would do is re-read you story there was a couple parts that confused me a little, but other than that it was a really good story

Julia said...

1.)The main conflict of the story is three friends go on a trip together, but there plane crashes on an island. Madeline also develops amnesia due to the crash, and cannot remember who her friends are or who she is. I thought the story was very dramatic, especially the amnesia part.
2.)This main character of the story definitely changes over time. She went from being a lucky girl with 2 best friends on a trip of a life time, to a girl who cant remember her friends or who she herself is. If the character hadn't changed she would have never realized what true friends are really like, and how they are there always, Through think and thin.
3.)My favorite part of the story was when the main theme of the story surfaces towards the end. My favorite line was,"Also, true friends will be by your side no matter what happens." I thought this was very sweet, and totally true. Friends will always be by your side no matter what. And if they aren't then you know who your true friends really are.
4.)I thought that the dialogue was a great aspect of this story. it was so real, and sounded like it could be an actual true story.
What the characters said, is something that I would have said. It's very original and real, which made the story so much more interesting.
5.)The main theme of this story is that true friends will always be there for you, no matter what. No matter any problem or circumstance; they should always be there. And I think that his story really brought out the true meaning of real friendship. The way Madeline's friends stood by her and promised to be there for her no matter what happened, demonstrates what real friends would do for each other.
6.) I don't think you really need to revise anything. You had basically no spelling or grammar errors. Maybe just re-read your story out loud to make sure it sounds good. Other than that, excellent job Allie!

- Julia Dudaaaa

Hannah said...

Awesome Story Allie!
The conflict in this story is that three friends are on their way to St. Johns in a plane, but it crashes and leaves one of the friends with amnesia. This conflict was internal, because she had an illness. I was very invested in the resolution of the story because I really wanted her to remember all the good memories that she had with her best friends, and everything she has done in her life. Something that could have made the story be more dramatic would be her not being able to get better, or have no doctor.
The protagonist changes very much over the course of the story because in the beginning she was a normal girl with three best friends, and in the end she can’t even remember their names. Her development throughout the story was trying to get better, and remember her friends. This change is important to the story, because that is what the whole resolution is based on. If she didn’t try to remember and get better then the story would end with her friends in despair, and Madeline unable to do anything.
My favorite part of the story was when they were able to go home and she was going to go to a good doctor. This was the resolution to the story. I liked it because it turned from a somewhat sad story to a story with hope in the future. A quote from Allies story that I like is, “The Ocean is a turquoise blue that is the clearest water. Its calm, cool water extends all the way to the horizon on all sides of the island. As I walk into the ocean, the seashells jab the bottom of my feet and the smooth sand seeps its way between my toes.” This is an amazing quote, and I like it because it has great description of the place. It makes me want to be on the little island!
The stories best quality is the characters. Without that characters and the bond between them this story would be nonexistent. It shows a lot of emotion, which is why it is the best quality.
The stories theme is that friendship is stronger than anything, and that friendship isn’t that hard to find. The seed allie plants is friendship. In the beginning she and her friends are going, and in the end her friends are trying to get better, and she made friends with people on the flight.
There is not much allie can fix. Everything was very good and there were no spelling or grammar mistakes that I saw!
Good job Allie!

Allie B said...

andrew said...

The story's conflict was the girls being stuck on the island.The conflict was an external conflict. The story drew me in a lot so then i found myself invested in the resolution a lot.

All of the characters change by bonding together more.The change is basically the whole satory. it is what the story is built on.

My favorite part of the story is the crash. I Like irt becasie you get a fel it is gonna happen but dont quit now if it will or wont.

The tales best quality is its realistically. It is well written to make it seem realistic. The crash was realistic adn nothing was abnormal.

The author needs to improve her effectivetnes of dialoug. Otherr than that the story was well written adn i will remember it for a while.